I have taken a few days before sitting down to write this. I needed that time to get a bit of perspective and separation from the gut wrenching panic I felt when waking on Wednesday morning to see that America has inflicted what will no doubt soon be recognised as an act of national and international self harm.
The last time I woke up and felt that way was the morning after the Brexit referendum and all of my worst fears that morning came true and as a nation we are still suffering economically, sociologically and psychologically from that decision. America will go through the same process over the next ten years and I have no doubt they will slowly recover as the UK is slowly recovering.
I don’t want to focus too much on that aspect of this weeks event, I have made a conscious choice to look for the positives around what has happened and already I am noticing that I have been able to make some positive moves forward.
Though there will be some Americans and people of other nationalities that are excited and encouraged by America’s decision. There will be probably more people around America and the world that are experiencing some form of trauma response because of it though. Every one of those people will be having their own levels of anxiety and some will be lower than others, but when something this huge happens politically in a country of Americas size, there will always be a strong reaction to it.
As with all forms of trauma though, there will always be positives to take and learn from the traumatic event. It might not be immediately obvious, but they will be there. If you will indulge me I will use myself as an example here as to some of the positives I have already started to build on since Wednesday.
As anyone who knows me will attest I am neither a big user, or a big fan of any form of social media. I don’t use Twitter and never have, and I keep my facebook page live only because I have an Elpis page linked to it (though this decision is under review now!). What I have used a lot over the last ten years or so is the BBC and Guardian websites to keep up to date with what is happening in the UK and the world.
What I have become acutely aware of over the last few months is how anxious going onto these websites can make me, in particular when reading about the American elections, but I also experience a huge amount of anger still when reading anything to do with populist politicians such as Boris Johson or even worse far right populist idiots like Farage.
This anger or anxiety is initially attached to the thing I am reading about, but as the memory of the news article fades, I have noticed that the anger or anxiety lingers on and subsequently gets attached to some other aspect of my present day life (such as work, money, my family etc). As such, my base line level of anxiety over the last few months has been getting slowly higher.
Since Wednesday I have consciously avoided all news. I have not read an article, listened to anything or even attempted to find out anything that is happening in the world outside of my own life, work and family. I can report that already I am noticing a positive difference. My base level of anxiety has dropped, it still jumps a little when I think about what has happened in the last few days, but I notice this and then consciously move my thoughts onto something more pleasant.
I am also noticing that I am thinking about the global scary things less and less, this is also giving me more time to focus on less stressful and anxiety provoking things such as playing a game, reading a book or playing with the dogs! Much more useful than worrying about things over which I have absolutely no control or influence!
So the first positive I am taking is that I am already looking after myself better by shrinking my world to focus more on the things I can control and influence. Things like my wife and stepson, my family, my friends, my work and my clients. These things feed me and help me grow and be happy. Thinking about global events that I have no control over does the opposite, it drains me, it triggers my insecurities and base fears, and I am working hard to choose not to waste my energy on these things any more.
I can become a better husband, a better stepdad, a better brother, son, uncle. I can become a better friend, a better therapist a better person. All of these things are under my direct control and influence. I can choose them.
I can’t influence or choose to make Americans authentically see the sociopath that they have just elected into power. I can’t make them see the obvious error in judgement that will harm so many American women, people of colour, LGBTQ+ people, working people, immigrant workers seeking a better future for their families and anyone who doesn’t sign up fully to the sociopath’s agenda.
I have no power or control over these things and like most people who lose their ability to influence or control, that immediately triggers a negative emotional response. Fear, anger, anxiety, and being immersed in these feeling means my energy is drained away from the things I can positively influence and control.
Therefore, I repeat my choice is to focus solely on the things I can control and influence for probably the next four years or so (unless the sociopath does change things so he can rule forever, in which case it will be longer!).
I am going to focus on the good people around me, the love, the things that bind us and make us the same. I will not focus on the hate, negativity and narrowminded fear-based scaremongering the press and social media are force feeding us daily.
I can only suggest that everyone does the same. Delete twitter, delete facebook, stop staring at your phone for hours a day scaring yourself with what is going on outside of your sphere of influence and control.
There is a need to reign in the power and control of those few billionaires who control the media and social media, but that is maybe a blog for another day. I can’t do anything to change or control that now, so I am choosing to let the energy around that go too!
Until our politicians get a grip and start to change things at that level though, please give yourself a break from the fear and toxicity that exists and proliferates online. Reconnect with yourself, with your partner, your friends, your family, your pets, your neighbours whoever makes you feel connected and in control in a positive way.
Embrace love, hope and connectedness, reject hate, negativity and separation from those that are different to you. That is the best way to halt the tide of negativity, intolerance and hate being pushing by large swathes of the press and all the social media companies at this time.
Love is always more powerful than hate, look for the good in self and others and hold onto it with all your heart and soul. Nothing is more powerful than that and nothing is more important!
I sned my love and all the positivity energy I can spare to all the people in America who will suffer because of the election this week and I hope that they find their way through until brighter days begin for them again.
For all those suffering and struggling with the recent events, know that all things pass and America will change course and heal at some point. On a personal level, I am not going to wait for America to start to heal and I am making a conscious choice to look after myself and those closest to me in the now and in the future.
That I can control and I am going to do so. I encourage you to do the same 😉